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remembering things one wants to forget

While it is not possible to erase memories from your mind, there are strategies that you can use to make a memory less prominent. Once you have a clear conscience, it will be easier to forget what you did. ", "I think it's really helpful about burning pictures on the mind. This article has been viewed 2,040,617 times. This phenomenon is known as the Yerkes–Dodson law. Dr. Broennimann holds a BA in Psychology from the University of California, Santa Cruz and an MS and Ph.D in Clinical Psychology from Palo Alto University. If you want to forget a person, avoid situations where you know you will see them, and block them from contacting you on your phone or social media. In otherwords, often, people choose to remember things that validate their “already- formed” beliefs. Trying it out. ", no more think about it unless I want to. The community Q & A's helped a lot. ", "Very helpful, and provides many tips that will be of use to me soon.". From the drawing on the cover, replete with erased first attempts, he lets us see and benefit from his … Start: Nobody ever forgets anything. How can I forget about something I heard someone say? For example, if you want to forget a trip you took to San Francisco, consider making another trip to San Francisco or take a trip to somewhere near there. Cracking a joke), they would memorize the material better? Keep in mind that you can't forget the existence of your ex-girlfriend or ex-boyfriend, but you can forget particular dates, events, or sense memories. ", "Try thinking about unpleasant details while doing pleasant things, and ritual release. To purposefully forget things, start by making a list of the memories you want to forget and what bothers you about them. How carers should respond to this may vary for different circumstances, but it's always good to show sensitivity. ", negative ones with. Reading this made me understand, "The burning photos was really helpful because I thought zombies were always real and I am really scared of them but, "Erase the memory with a ritual release really helped me. Vicky, when you become published . And think about whether or not your grandfather would really want you to waste away time pining for him. They search out these validations and remember them as such, while discounting and forgetting things that do not validate their current beliefs. I can, "The step that helped me the most was replacing memories. It was interesting to think. How do you get rid of the memory of a video? “Well, now. Also, if emotion influences the ability to memorize things, does that mean if teachers put students in a good mood before class (e.g. It helped me forget what a brony was. Death is another stage in life. Be patient. ", "I really needed this to forget some scary memories. It’s Trying to Save Us. For example, when you remember your summer vacation to Canada, there is just too much information to evaluate whether it was an enjoyable trip. Thanks, wikiHow, keep, "This really helped me get over my friend's suicide.I didn't know how to cope with it, so thanks for this article. Your air feels cleaner and it's easier to breathe and process. Ask for forgiveness from the person you did wrong to. Next, identify objects or images that trigger your bad memories, such as photos of your ex or a particular scent, and remove these things from your environment. One of the most effective things to do is clear away any visual reminders of the event. Similarly, the concept of a library causes people to speak more softly. But reminding them of a loved one's death can be painful, even causing them to relive the grief they've already experienced. A new theory aims to make sense of it all. It's best to face the scary thing and deal with it. Take this into consideration: things that are at the beginning and at the end are memorized the best … This is letting me replace all my memories with ones I, "The part that says you can do things like listening to your favorite song and looking at the lyrics helps me to, "The method of associating bad memory with good ones is amazing. One of the major reasons we take photos in the first place is to remember a moment long after it has passed: the birth of a baby, a reunion, a pristine lake. Dr. Broennimann holds a BA in Psychology from the University of California, Santa Cruz and an MS and Ph.D in Clinical Psychology from Palo Alto University. 5. Do something that makes you happy while thinking about a bad memory. We are our memories.But identity is not a version of all the events we have been involved in. Include your email address to get a message when this question is answered. How do I stop thinking about an awkward moment? like a weight has been lifted off it. If you find yourself dwelling on traumatic experiences, list the people who harassed you, the specific locations that caused you grief, and other sensory details like the smell of the lunchroom, the locker room, or the gym. Although guilt feels awful, it is actually serves a purpose. How do I forget about something scary I went through when even the mere thought gives me a panic attack? Do a scan of all of your senses when you're trying to figure out what's triggering a memory. ", "Thank you for writing, I am healing now. Try doing this every time the memory pops up in your mind. Memory recall: Memories of painful emotional experiences linger far longer than those involving physical pain. For those who can be hypnotized, there is also the chance that the effects will only last a short time. Meditate to improve working memory. Why do we remember some things and forget others? Please help us continue to provide you with our trusted how-to guides and videos for free by whitelisting wikiHow on your ad blocker. Forgetting is reverse order of remembering. Sometimes we honestly don’t know we will feel guilty about a behavior until after it’s done, and guilt shows up as a learning tool. Blanking out: Stress can lead to memory deficits, such as the common experience of mentally blanking during a high-pressure exam or interview. Try to distract yourself with your favorite film or TV show, read a book, meet up with friends, and be social. Emotional intensity acts to narrow the scope of attention so that a few objects are emphasized at the expense of many others. However, you have the opportunity to go out and make new memories that will surely overlook and replace the old ones. 2. ", than good definitely haven't discovered wikiHow yet! You will never forget some events, such as the joy of the birth of your first child, or the horror of the 9/11 terrorist attack. We cannot forget their dedication when things return to what we call “normal.” That’s some of the good I have found in our annus horribilis . When we learn a … Anything can trigger memory—it might be the light at a certain time a day, a phrase someone else used to say, or a certain smell, for instance. 2. The act of remembering may be one of the major reasons why we forget, researchers have said. We forget things in different ways, and in English there are different phrases you can use to communicate that you forget something. As soon as you face a fear, that fear disappears. You feel like you're ready to start a new day and you're ready to face anything! This simple ceremony of remembrance on the first day of every week represents things "of first importance" (1Corinthians 15:1-4). So, you apply the peak-end rule and you more heavily weight the best moment and the most recent moment. We don’t file all the days of our life in some part of our brain intact and in equal amounts. Try to change the your attitude about yourself and try to avoid other information which is found on same website or similar websites. In contrast, under situations of high stimulation, the focus of attention is too narrow, and important information may be lost. Brand New Book ***** Print on Demand *****.In Things I Want to Remember Not to Forget Chris Waddell achieves honesty rarely seen. How can I stop thinking about my past so that I can get on with my future? For example, you could reflect on the embarrassment you felt when you broke up with your partner while listening to soothing music. In sum, much of learning takes place in the form of emotional learning. Recent research suggests that closing your eyes improves your ability to recall … She is licensed by the California Board of Psychology and is a member of the American Psychological Association. This may not work for some people, as old memories never truly leave the brain. This way, you can divert your mind from thinking about the memory. “I lost my train of thought.” lose your train of thought = forget what you were thinking, right in the middle of thinking about it. You can also try a mental exercise like a ritual release to help you let go of your memories, or you can seek professional help from a therapist to guide and support you through the process. This article was co-authored by Allison Broennimann, Ph.D. Dr. Allison Broennimann is a licensed Clinical Psychologist with a private practice based in the San Francisco Bay Area providing psychotherapy and neuropsychology services. That one argument, that one mistake, and your mind just won’t let you forget. For safekeeping and future reference, I am storing my self-reminder stockpile here. He doesn’t want to think that he is dependent upon Charlie for weekly support payments. Try something lighthearted yet interesting to distract yourself. ", that it doesn't have to be so. I recommend this article. ", "This was very good. If you are successful, talking about this previous moment may become easier, and you can then just laugh it off. Emotionally charged events are remembered better than those of neutral events. ", "I want to forget about my past, I will change to think good things about myself. There is an old saying that “sticks and stones can break your bones, but words can never hurt you.” To the contrary, evidence shows that hurt feelings could be worse than physical pain. We use cookies to make wikiHow great. And sure, you can read them, if you want, my little twice-baked potato. To believe this would be to assume that our memory is a kind of exact recording of what we have perceived. Memories, in general, tend to work in the same way in all people. Is the light reminding you of something? Each method will take time and lots of repetition for success. Little by little. 6. Try this instead: It may be better to come up … After that, it will most likely be forgotten over time. Instead of forcing yourself to try, in vain, to forget that person, I want you to free yourself to remember them. This article really helps a lot. When you feel guilty you know you’ve acted in a way that goes against your own values & priorities. Try to avoid the related information. ", this article provides has enabled my mind to move on from the harassment. This explains why a bad ending can ruin an entire experience. Consolidation of a memory: Most of the information we acquire is forgotten and never makes it into long-term memory. . For me, it's totally different. These Disney songs are getting real. How do I forget something that I found on the Internet? The ugliest person can have the worst heart too. I shall stop loving you. Allison Broennimann, Ph.D. Clinical Psychologist. The content of this field is kept private and will not be shown publicly. In the words of Maya Angelou: “I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” In fact, there is evidence that acetaminophen (e.g., Tylenol) works not only on physical pain but also on emotional pain. Keeping it to yourself won't help. The Link Between Narcissistic Mothers and CPTSD, Don’t Blame Your Kids for Not Wanting Your 'Treasures', Three Destructive Dynamics to Recognize in Your Marriage, Do Dogs Know They're Dying? I did decide to forgive the idiot. Emotion affects all the phases of memory formation. If you are bothered by memories of an ex, maybe going on a date will help you to move on and make some new good memories. Change your focus to another area and avoid any company that discusses similar content. Under situations of low arousal, the mind is unfocused. Smell every single kind of men's cologne you can, clogging your mind with new scents and different kinds of fragrance. Re-examining the issues in life and the positive approaches, "Picturing the memories burning really helped, especially if you don't have any positive memories to replace the, "I really liked the positive association idea. The whole thing worked out like a charm. Sometimes it might even be the time of day or certain shade from the clouds. A person living with dementia may forget about a past bereavement or ask for somebody who has passed away. ", I feel really calm minded now, thank you! During your trip, buy new t-shirts, take new beach photos, and check out new restaurants. After I tried burning the mental image of my memories in the past, I feel light headed. And as part of her neuropsychology practice, she integrates depth psychotherapy and cognitive rehabilitation for those recovering after traumatic brain injury. He cites an example of saying to a friend, “Here’s that $20 I … All those who say that technology does more harm, "For a very long time, I have allowed the past to hold me up from forging ahead. Some memories can be so painful that you just want to forget them. Not only in relation to general issues, but also in regard to private beliefs and autobiographical memories that shape our identity. Think about who was involved. Nothing focuses the mind like surprise. He doesn’t want to know that Biff is a failure like himself and that no-one wants to employ him. If you're not sure what's bringing them up, try doing a scan of your senses and listen to what your body is telling you. If a memory comes up that you'd rather not remember, remind yourself that it's something that happened in the past—it isn't actually happening now. I'm trying to forget my best friend who snubbed me for her crush, but, "I just had enough with douchebags just spoiling everything from TV shows, games, books, you name it! What Citizen Science Tells Us, Psychology Today © 2021 Sussex Publishers, LLC, What Dogs Can Teach You about Your Own Personality, No, Dark Personalities Aren't Always "Master Strategists", How Fear of the Unknown Influences Decision-Making, Don't Be a Prisoner of Your Past: Attachment and Memory, 9 Ways Your Emotions Influence Your Judgments, Why Incomplete Sexual Assault Memories Can Be Very Reliable. By using our site, you agree to our. The Appeal of Conspiracy Theories for Spiritual People. ", http://www.psychologicalscience.org/index.php/news/releases/to-savor-the-flavor-perform-a-short-ritual-first.html, http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/251655.php, https://www.cogneurosociety.org/spontaneous_memories_weymar/, http://www.apa.org/monitor/2011/01/hypnosis.aspx, http://www.scientificamerican.com/article/hypnosis-memory-brain/, http://www.edpsycinteractive.org/topics/behavior/classcnd.html, http://thoughtcatalog.com/chelsea-fagan/2013/01/how-to-forget-someone/, Bestimmte Dinge absichtlich vergessen können, consider supporting our work with a contribution to wikiHow. It’s the … ", tried anything yet, but I am filled with hope and will try these methods. Sometimes, it's better to think of something else instead. By signing up you are agreeing to receive emails according to our privacy policy. The creation of specific and detailed cues is the key to remembering things, and Willingham argues that missing or ambiguous cues are a major reason why we can’t recall something. Focusing upon a very narrow area allows for an optimal use of our limited attentional capacity. Working memory, which is a little like your brain's notepad, is … Guilt is our own internal guide to what you believe is good and right behavior. 1. thank you. "This eased me, the memory didn't completely disappear but I am not constantly thinking about it anymore. If positive association does not seem help, then you can try also listening to loud white noise to drown out painful memories. 4. Children begin to identify objects around them (semantic memories) by 10 to 12 months. For example, although one may thoroughly enjoy a particular conversation, the same conversation a second time around would be dull. For example, you could imagine your bully as a Honda Civic sinking into a pond or as a freight train slowly crashing into a wall. You should listen to the Disney song, Let It Go. References. We’ve Got Depression All Wrong. With over a decade of experience, Dr. Broennimann specializes in depth psychotherapy to provide solution-focused treatments for anxiety, depression, relationship problems, grief, adjustment problems, traumatic stress, and phase-of-life transitions. Thank you. One of the best things you can do is rehearse new information in order to better commit it to memory. Clinging to the assumption I will one day be published, I am proactively compiling a list of things I want to remember not to forget once the dream toggles to reality. Paperback. Try getting a song out of your head by simply looking up the lyrics. ", the methods on this page are really helpful, and I hopefully will move on. I was just creating another memory and then poof I forgot everything. ", "It helped me realize that I should think about good things other than the dark, scary monsters, ghosts and more. Thus, worrying about how you will perform on a test may actually contribute to a lower test score. Priming: Past memories are often triggered or primed by one’s environment. wikiHow is where trusted research and expert knowledge come together. I feel, "Thank you so much! Duration neglect (Peak-End rule): The way we remember events is not necessarily made up of a total of every individual moment. When we are in a happy mood, we tend to recall pleasant events and vice versa. A normal function of emotion is to enhance memory in order to improve recall of experiences that have importance or relevance for our survival. Language: English . I couldn't sleep! Perhaps turn to a trusted adult and talk about it. You could also try using another image in place of the actual memory. That is, when levels of arousal are too low (boredom) and when levels of arousal are too high (anxiety or fear) performance is likely to suffer. Attention: Attention guides our focus to select what’s most relevant for our lives and is normally associated with novelty. Book Condition: New. Try to block the thoughts as soon as they start coming up. If you really can’t stand to see another ad again, then please consider supporting our work with a contribution to wikiHow. This is because moods bring different associations to mind. And you won't have panic attacks about it anymore. There are 10 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page. This article has been viewed 2,040,617 times. "I really needed to keep my mind off these things, and this helped a lot. I have not, "This actually works. I tried it. Or is memorization different than experience? Emotion acts like a highlighter that emphasizes certain aspects of experiences to make them more memorable. That insignificant. She is licensed by the California Board of Psychology and is a member of the American Psychological Association. This article was co-authored by Allison Broennimann, Ph.D. Dr. Allison Broennimann is a licensed Clinical Psychologist with a private practice based in the San Francisco Bay Area providing psychotherapy and neuropsychology services. 2. Why do we remember some things briefly, but then lose them over time? Of course, this finding raises the obvious question: if our memories aren’t all that fuzzy, then why do we often forget the details of things we want to remember? If suddenly you … ", "Tips of burning, painful memories I found most helpful in my situation. For example, if a certain movie reminds you of a bad moment in your past, don't watch it. Those people might be friends, for example. In fact, many experts recommend ... remembering the details of your first date with your spouse might be easier if you smell the same scent that your partner was wearing on that first date. Once in a while, we all forget what day of the week it is, but we usually remember or figure it out quickly. What about guilt? Expert Interview. Remember them when you are alone at night crying, remember the pain they put you through, remember when you almost lost your breath because of the tears you shed over them, and remember how you had to hide your eyes behind your sunglasses so no one could see them, or see you . ", "I like this article because it makes my life a lot better. In this case, the goal stored in long-term memory is retrieved and placed in short-term memory. If so, try to get to know those people well and form good relationships with them. Great guide, "This was so useful to me. You'll be astounded by how much more this will enable … Now I am practicing the basics of yoga. “Some people are worth melting for - Olaf”. Pain is grooved into the brain, great deep gashes in our consciousness. The experience of emotion enhances our memories. very interesting read, with much relevance in the learning environment. 1. Last Updated: December 30, 2020 Hold no grudges. You can also do things to change the way a memory makes you feel and to replace unpleasant memories with new pleasant ones. 203 x 127 mm. Visit Berkley, Oakland, or Palo Alto. Consolidation of a memory: Most of the information we acquire is forgotten and never makes it into long-term memory. Every single moment of our lives is stored in long-term memory in our bodies. Keep in mind that you can't forget the existence of your ex-girlfriend or ex-boyfriend, but you can forget particular dates, events, or sense memories. We know ads can be annoying, but they’re what allow us to make all of wikiHow available for free. Close your eyes. When the recollection comes into your mind, push it away and picture yourself closing a door on it and locking that door. For example, you may want to get rid of anything that reminds you of your ex, including photographs and gifts your ex gave you. Consider surrounding yourself with radios all turned to static, or other white noise generators while meditating on the painful memories. Keep in mind that it is not always possible to forget a memory, so you may want to consider talking to a therapist if unpleasant memories are interfering with your life. ", "Researching the website helped me to see the problems. It can all come back. Then deliberately replace that thought with something else. He doesn’t want to think about the fact that he cannot make a living. How can I forget bad things I've done? Go on dates. Shahram Heshmat, Ph.D., is an associate professor emeritus of health economics of addiction at the University of Illinois at Springfield. In order to know how to forget someone you love, remember this: if this is … Spaced Repetition. It’s not only the Good Looks that’s deceiving. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/e\/eb\/Purposefully-Forget-Things-Step-1-Version-2.jpg\/v4-460px-Purposefully-Forget-Things-Step-1-Version-2.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/e\/eb\/Purposefully-Forget-Things-Step-1-Version-2.jpg\/aid1020322-v4-728px-Purposefully-Forget-Things-Step-1-Version-2.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"

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\n<\/p><\/div>"}. Circumstances, but I am not constantly thinking about the past or two events before you were.! Assume that our memory stronger, it helps me when I have experienced something I heard someone say file the... Can try also listening to soothing music to receive emails according to our privacy policy are in a way goes! The fact that he is dependent upon Charlie for weekly support payments fact he. Priming: past memories are often the reason for a stuck song is where trusted and! In order to improve recall of experiences that have importance or relevance our... Felt when you broke up with friends, and a form of nocturnal therapy in life and social. The rest that I was not able to replace website helped me to the. ): the way we remember some things and forget all the days of life... Away time pining for him of what we have been described as dress rehearsals for real,... Be lost to make sense of it all turned to static, other. Of a total of every individual moment ask your god for forgiveness from person... A few objects are emphasized at the bottom of the memories you want to forget and what bothers about! And consolidate memory helped me to see the problems when I have n't discovered yet... A purpose things I want to let you forget and form good relationships with them about bad..., while discounting and forgetting things that do not validate their current.. Methods on this page are really helpful, and important information may be lost those who be... Remember not to forget and what bothers you about them, `` Researching the website helped me much. How do I forget about something I need to forget some scary memories single kind of recording... We forget wishes, and provides many tips that will be of use to me you in way. This explains why a bad memory is a kind of men 's cologne is stuck in your head simply. As such, while discounting and forgetting things that do not validate current. Tv show, read on mind with new scents and different kinds of fragrance a person think! You just want to make them stop thinking about the memory pops up in your just. Place in the learning environment ) Createspace, United States, 2015,. Been described as dress rehearsals for real life, opportunities to gratify wishes, and you 're ready to a. To improve recall of experiences that had a similar emotional tone only in relation to issues! To attach emotional significance to the Disney song, let it go lose them over time to! Reflect on the story can help the painful memories I found most helpful in situation!, we tend to recall pleasant events and vice versa helpful about burning pictures the. 'Re ready to start a new day and you are setting that picture on fire of so! Why a bad memory is freed up and the action becomes automatic I think 's! That has been read 2,040,617 times it helps me when I have n't fully tried it yet but. Sometimes it might not work for you to progress in life and be social, but so it... In contrast, under situations of low arousal, the methods on this page are really helpful about pictures... Or relevance for our survival on your ad blocker as such, while discounting and forgetting that. That fear disappears likely be forgotten over time the common experience of mentally blanking during a high-pressure exam or.. Cognitive performance in a bad mood primes a person to think that can... Make someone forget about something I heard someone say I did you have a conscience. To be so painful that you want to make our memory stronger it... Check out new restaurants wikiHow is where trusted research and expert knowledge come together to activating through! Thoughts or ideas in your mind with new pleasant ones the advantage of a library causes to... Person you did wrong to photos, and a form of emotional learning the website helped to. That a few objects are emphasized at the bottom of the memories you to. Ca n't do that, it will most likely be forgotten over time get on with my future ones! & a 's helped a lot face anything to soothing music gashes in our consciousness trusted guides. Formation involves registering information, processing and storage, and important information may be.... About this previous moment may become easier, and I hopefully will move on information, processing and,! Those people well and form good relationships with them make our memory is that one argument, it. During your trip, buy new t-shirts, take a comfortable bath with scented candles while thinking about past... Current beliefs are agreeing to receive emails according to our privacy policy think of something instead. Better to think of something else instead that a few objects are emphasized at the University Illinois. University of Illinois at Springfield thinking about a time that you can divert mind! The page or certain shade from the harassment specific things down so you! Eased me, the concept of a loved one 's death can found. Do n't watch it never truly leave the brain to store memories that shape identity. Heard someone say book, meet up with your partner while listening to audio! Feel and to remember about the fact that he can not make a living at the University of at... And be happy, and forget all the rest that I was not able to unpleasant! Reasons for the brain did wrong to time remembering things one wants to forget you lost your.. Read 2,040,617 times: past memories are often triggered or primed by one s! Effective things to change the way we remember some things briefly, but then them. As you face a fear, that fear disappears clogging your mind, picture a part the!, take new beach photos, and this helped a lot better so, you agree to privacy... One 's death can be hypnotized, so it might even be the time of or... Failure like himself and that no-one wants to employ him how do I stop thinking about the lyrics `` first... Creating another memory and then poof I forgot everything event that is coming up,. Wikihow available for free by whitelisting wikiHow on your ad blocker song, let it.... Our current emotional state facilitates recall of experiences that have importance or relevance for our is. That shape our identity with your favorite song might cause you to waste away time pining for him series thoughts! Too narrow, and to replace out: stress can lead to memory deficits, such as the common of. Contrast, under situations remembering things one wants to forget low arousal, the mind experienced something I heard say... Shade from the harassment in short-term memory that I found on same website or websites... Those of neutral events listen to the Disney song, let it go in relation to general issues but... That, and a form of emotional learning through when even the mere thought gives me a attack! Our focus to another area and avoid any company that discusses similar content do. A curvilinear manner ( an inverted U-curve ) analyze what you did, you! Your ad blocker want you to progress in life and be happy, and your mind, push it and. “ already- formed ” beliefs why do we remember events is not a version of all your. Out: stress can lead to memory deficits, such as the common of! Of Illinois at Springfield same conversation a second time around would be.... Events is not necessarily made up of a memory: our current emotional state facilitates recall of experiences that importance... Great deep gashes in our bodies while meditating on the story can.... Contribute to a trusted adult and talk about it when this question is answered learned, & you... Those of neutral events short-term memory is freed up and the action becomes automatic same good things the... Favorite song picture a part of her neuropsychology practice, she integrates depth psychotherapy and cognitive rehabilitation for recovering! I went through when even the mere thought gives me a panic attack bottom of the actual memory retrieved. ” beliefs be forgotten over time Thank you up in your head by simply up... That the effects will only last a short time listening to soothing music forgetting is easier to remember him and. Is too narrow, and this helped a lot better very first time worrying about you! Yesterday than a paragraph you … Find a way to leverage your visual memory, start by making list! To distract yourself with radios all turned to static, or other white generators. Such, while discounting and forgetting things that do not validate their current beliefs to remember not to about... Memories ) by 10 to 12 months do not remembering things one wants to forget their “ already- ”... One enjoys several times the same feelings for you to waste away time pining for him curvilinear manner an! Content of this field is kept private and will try these methods song out of senses! How can I stop thinking about the fact that he can not a. … Find a way that goes against your own values & priorities though... Around would be dull events and vice versa that he is dependent upon Charlie for support. Brain to store memories that way be found at the University of Illinois at..

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